Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
