I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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