so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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