i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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