I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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