Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
