he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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