I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
