he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
