But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He did a backflip because drugs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
