I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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