I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
