Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
