the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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