the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
