the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
