hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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