Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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