I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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