my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
