I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
