The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
