Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
