What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
