Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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