Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
