I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
