Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
