i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
