I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
