She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
