Since when is my name a synonym for head?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
