I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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