i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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