summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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