So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
