My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How external is "for external use only"?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
