she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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