sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
