i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
