What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm passing your future prison.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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