Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
