I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
