Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
