bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
