I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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