i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
