No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
