you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
