You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
