Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
